So here I am, a proud new papa. Rowan's six months old now, and I've decided to return from a blogging hiatus.
It's been quite the transition, though nothing we could have really prepared for. Rowan changes weekly now -- preferences, routines, mood. He's mostly a mellow baby, though he does have his daily meltdowns around napping and sleep -- he's super hard to get down for nap or bedtime.
I've been busy with work, both as the Squawk sitter and doing Bear-Oh! (Tarot) readings at bear events in the City and the East Bay, and am making some good money at it. We're also working hard on an event at Wolf Creek that has been my dream for some time -- the F(a)eri(e) Magick Gathering (www.lilyshahar.com/fmi). I'm really hoping it will come together and happen in the right way, Gods willing.
I've found that I have a lot of sexual currency in the bear/chub community, something that both amuses and delights me, and it's been quite nice, and has really helped my self-esteem. I'm trying hard not to give a shit, though, about that opiate known as external validation, which has been one of my most baneful demons.
I've been making some new friends, people who are more like myself, who care and are shining lights in the darkness for so many lost souls. They are verily Bad Ass.
I feel like there's so much that's happened, I'll never be able to blog about it all. I've yet again become another person, a still more true version of myself. I've been embodying what it means to be a "responsible adult," as Corby from our birth class put it awesomely: "I think a big part of becoming a parent is letting go of self absorption and selfishness and allowing someone else to have it." Parenting is, in many way, about sacrifice -- giving up those little things for the bigger, whole vision, and making it holy.
I value the time I have to myself, which is precious and little, and I try not to waste any of it anymore. Suffice to say I don't get bored and I choose who I spend it with very carefully.
I am so in love with my son, he's so amazing and smart and adorable. I could never have imagined how deeply I could love someone, and with such an almost instant bond.
In the next few days, I'll be doing a guest blog on Lily's Witch Mom (www.parentingbythelightofthemoon.blogspot.com), about introducing Rowan to the element of Water -- in the shower!